Mister Mistoffolees The greatest magicians have something to learn From Mister Mistoffolees' conjuring turn And we all say Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees! He is quiet, he is small, he is black From the ears to the tip of his tail He can creep through the tiniest crack He can walk on the narrowest rail He can pick any card from a pack He is equally cunning with dice He is always deceiving you into believing That he's only hunting for mice He can play any trick with a cork Or a spoon and a bit of fish paste If you look for a knife or a fork And you think it is merely misplaced You have seen it one moment and then it's gone! But you find it next week lying out on the lawn And we all say Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees! His manner is vague and aloof You would think there was nobody shyer But his voice has been heard on the roof When he was curled up by the fire And he's sometimes been heard by the fire When I was about on the roof At least we all heard that somebody purred Which is uncontestable proof of his singular magical powers And I've known the family to call him in from the garden for hours While he was asleep in the hall And not long ago this phenomenal cat Produced seven kittens right out of a hat And we all say Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the magical Mr. Mistoffolees!